Thank you

Thank you.

For setting me free.

You don’t know it yet but you have.

My heart soars knowing that in my reverting to type, so have you, as I hoped, done exactly the same and left me once more. 

I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before! Like the logic puzzle – there’s always an answer, you just have to focus and work through the options until the right solution presents itself, repeating your mistakes along the way.

You would not have needed to leave if there was nothing there to leave.

You would have had no fear of your wife seeing the feigned indifference of lovers who can never be together, if we were not those lovers.

Knowing you could not hide it, meant that you could only leave it behind. Leave me. Your true love. The one you can never have.

And in leaving me, you have set me free. Free from doubt, free from self loathing and perpetual questioning of the past. Was it? Did I? Did he? Were we…?

At last I know. 

We were. 

Indeed I know we still are, though apart, and that alone gives me hope. 

A reason to love…

A reason to carry on and to endure.

To raise my son, to honour my husband and to make amends for my sin – of loving only you with all my heart.

We cannot live without love.

We cannot live without hope.

And you my love, will always be mine.

© Emily Page